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Entries in the 'The Girlie Chronicles' Category

The Girlie Chronicles: Revelation, Part I
Monday, The Varmint and I went to the fertility doctor. The funny thing is that we're still on the fence about Varmintlings. (To be honest, The Varmint's leaning a little further over the fence, Humpty Dumpty-style, than I. But he's... Read more >
The Girlie Chronicles: Revelation, Part II
(Note: As the title indicates, this is the second of a two-part story. To read things in order, scroll to the entry directly below this. We wouldn't want you to be confused...) Propelled by the paw at my back, I... Read more >
My Personal Peep Show
 Due to my body's delightful timing, I get to go to the doctor on Friday for a little procedure called an HSG test. That's where they inject my uterus and tubes with a concoction, take a bunch of x-ray snaps... Read more >
Earl of the Waiting Room
My favorite part of undergoing any medical procedure is the waiting room. That's because waiting rooms are prime people-watching real estate. I love fabricating back-stories of the more colorful characters to pass the time. This morning's waiting room was at... Read more >
Cluck, Cluck, Cluck
Ooo-eeee! I got me an egg. See that cluster of round spots in the sonogram picture, below? See the one big spot surrounded by all the other little round spots? (Yeah, me neither.) According to the nurse practitioner, that thar's... Read more >
One Month Under the Influence
I'm not a big fan of swallowing pills. Especially a big, horse-sized pill, the kind you have to position just so on your tongue in order to avoid it smacking your throat-wiener on the way down and making you gag.... Read more >
Lemony Snippish
 It's a sad state of affairs when this earns but a minor chuckle from the Hee-Haw, Horse-Laughingest, Snort Queen likes of me - I mean come on. It's "Varmint Goes Horshack." The truth is, my present state of affairs would... Read more >
All Hail the One Pump Chump
So, I've been getting hate mail from people because my old reliable daily entry has turned into more of a bi-weekly to when-I-feel-like-it thing. "Are you getting lazy?" they ask. "Are you busy?" Well, yes and yes. But there is... Read more >
My Top Five Irrational Pregnancy Fears
My Top Five Irrational Pregnancy Fears1. I give birth to a rodent, or some variation with a fur / tail combination. (Varmint + Tam = ????) 2. Varmint Jr. gets the inevitable double-serving of The Nerd Gene and is destined... Read more >
Everything's Getting Bigger
Monday, the second contractor came by the house to tell us exactly how much of our hard-earned savings he felt we were going to have to cough up in order to make our postage stamp-sized, two-person home livable with a... Read more >
It's a Girl!
It was sonogram and amniocentesis day today - and we found out the big, Big, BIG news that we're having a girl - and she's looking perfect. Yahoo! It's funny, both sides of the family were exchanging the typical pleasantries,... Read more >
Get Outta Mah Belly
And no, I'm not talking about the baby. Yet. What I am talking about is baby's not-often-talked-about sidekick: Gas. Nobody ever tells you the weird day-to-day stuff of pregnancy. Sure, they'll give you the half-hour play-by-play of their excruciating birth,... Read more >
Test-Driving Other People's Kids
One of the best things about being a mom-to-be who's woefully past her prime is that everyone else has done it first. (One of the worst things is that everyone else has done it first, but that's another story.) Everyone... Read more >
There's a Rockette In My Pants
There's a Rockette in my pants, and she's trying to get out. Or a mini Mia Hamm. Having your ass kicked by a six-month-old fetus is enough to give you shivers about the teen years. What sort of spawn am... Read more >
Is It Wrong?
Speaking of drinking beer . . . (see previous entry) While ice cream has become a satisfactory, if temporary, substitute for the occasional fine brew, I fantasize daily about swilling a creamy, cool Guinness just as soon as that baby... Read more >
And the Mutant Offspring Award Goes to...
People have been asking for an image of The Varmint and me, you know, together. (That's the thing about lugging your Nikon around - you rarely have pictures of yourself. This one was shot by The Varmint's dad, Monte.) Sneakily,... Read more >
Ode to Snoogle
A lot of crap is marketed to each of us, every day - but a true avalanche of crap is marketed specifically to pregnant women. Apparently, in our fragile, hormone-fueled state, we preggos are emotionally-challenged suckers who'll buy anything to... Read more >
Steppin' Out
There are those people in your life - we all have them - that mark a sort of milestone era in your personal history. Maybe it was your high school clique, your platoon buddies, a softball team or the summer... Read more >
23 Weeks
Okay, okay. In answer to repeated requests, I will show my Buddha bellyness in all its middle-weighty glory - but not nekkers, thankyouverymuch. We wouldn't want to scare anyone. The kid is already dancing Flamenco on my bladder and protesting mightily... Read more >
Why I Shouldn't Watch 'Baby Story'
Always diligent, I thought it might be wise to conduct some research and watch the many ways the birthing thing goes down before my own feet hit the stirrups. That way, I logically figured, I could try to mentally prepare... Read more >
Baby Stylist to the Stars
We received our first baby outfit gift a few weeks back, from Sally (a.k.a. Sal, Sal-Bug or The Sallivator) who was very excited that we were having a girl. I like it so much that I've actually hung it above... Read more >
Bye, Bye Sugar High
There are a number of pleasures that being pregnant includes. Because everyone loves to talk about the other gazillion less-pleasant wonky bits that happen when you're a pod-woman, I shall list my three favorite things:  1. Feeling the kid wiggle.... Read more >
Hello, Sugar High
Well slap me silly. Yesterday the doctor dished out some unexpected good news: Tam passed her glucose tolerance test, after all. That means no gestational diabetes.You could have knocked me over wth a wet noodle - or, rather, a limp... Read more >
A Generic Summer Party
Last night, The Varmint and I broke out of our air-conditioned cocoon, and hightailed eastward on a steamy Saturday night for 'The Generic Summer Shindig' at Vince and Lisa's place. Vince is a favorite friend and colleague; Lisa's in the... Read more >
Mom's Bun Fetish Exposed!
Now here's a woman who knows how to spend a dollar. . . Mom gave us our terrific baby gift - a very hip kitchen table from IKEA that we'll be using as a dresser and changing table for the... Read more >
Call the Men in White Coats
Imagine yourself driving home after a long day at work. You're about to pull into your driveway, maybe thinking about that ice-cold beer in the fridge - when you look over and see your next-door neighbors doing this: What would you... Read more >
Schweaty Boobs
San Diego's been a sauna lately: hot, moist and stinky. Not New Orleans-in-the-heat-of-summer uncomfortable, nor Chicago-in-the-blast-of-winter painful (gotta get some perspective, here), but uncharacteristically sticky and steaming and absolutely unrelenting. It's the kind of heat where sleeping becomes a challenge... Read more >
I Hate Baby Showers
Fact: I loathe baby showers. No, really. Pretty much everything about them. From the horrible little games (The "Sniff the Diaper" Game, anyone?! I'm all for fecal humor, but to waste perfectly good chocolate like that?) to the endless "Awwww!"s... Read more >
Welcome to the Apocalypse
 WELCOME to the APOCALYPSE! Tam and Shan are breeding!That was the opening line on the baby shower invitation. So I guess I should have expected what was coming. The only two activities outside of eating (street-style Mexican tacos) and drinking... Read more >
Surf Safari to Nicaragua
Tomorrow evening the Varmint will scuttle from his burrow, nose pointed southeast, surfboards firmly under forepaw. He and his salty crew of bewhiskered scalywags are heading to the tropical climes of Nicaragua for a week of wavehunting and manly bonding.... Read more >
See This?
 See this? At first glance, you might think it likely that, given the facial hair, it could be attached to something like this:           But you'd be wrong. Because what it's REALLY attached to is this . . .    Which is... Read more >
A Preview of Our Coming Attraction
 Not bad for a sonogram, eh? World, meet baby. Baby, meet world.... Read more >
Return of the Conquering Hero
The Varmint returned yesterday, exhausted, stingray welted, bescabbed, aching, sore - and well-pleased with himself, his friends (see pic) and his entire Nicaraguan adventure. After staying up all night sharing pictures and gabbing, we crashed for a few hours, woke up,... Read more >
Things are Getting Weird
I just woke up. I mean it. Still got goo in my eyes. I just had the weirdest dream and had to stumble in here to blog it before I forgot it: Shannon and I are in Berlin talking to... Read more >
A Move, A Reunion + A Big Kaboom - Part One
 Part One: The Move This weekend I cried three different times: Once for feeling overwhelmed and demoralized. Once for feeling like an asshole. And once from laughing so hard I nearly wet myself. The Demoralization Cry was a direct result... Read more >
A Move, A Reunion + A Big Kaboom - Part Three
 The Big Kaboom As you might imagine, sleeping when you're this pregnant is not easy. I'm not as bad off as Deb of the Microscopic Bladder who, nine months into her gestation, was up approximately 15 to 20 times per... Read more >
Catatonia at Chez Varmint
The Varmint has been distracted and staring off into space, lately. Also, he's spending a large amount of time in our new sub-level outdoor hidey hole, working and organizing stuff, but also frequently escaping into the calming machine-gun fire of... Read more >
My Current Perspective
 No, no - you're not looking at three moons, three paper plates, three eggs in a bowl or some bizarre set of freckled lightbulbs. This is my view whenever I try to see my feet. Will you look at that... Read more >
Unveiling the 'Secret' Plans for the Kid Pen
The Antagonists Jac, Jen, Deb and a few others have requested a blog entry / lowdown on what my plans are for the baby room. "We know you've been thinking about it," they say. "We know you know what you're... Read more >
Handy Gizmos for Lazy Parents
In the midst of researching kid crap, I've found a few little items that I think might just be indispensable. Strangely, you don't find them listed on many "essentials" lists and I, for one, can't understand why not. For the... Read more >
Good Genes
You never know what you're going to get, genetically speaking. Sometimes, it feels like you could as easily roll the dice and build your own person, Dungeons & Dragons style, as be born with your own particular characteristics. (See? There... Read more >
Somebody Please Play the Rocky Theme
 This Saturday, a milestone was reached. As The Varmint and I sit on the sofa with the baby next to us (don't get me wrong, she hasn't been born yet - it's just that when your belly's this big and... Read more >
On Pins and Needles
Yesterday, good friend and pro needler Mike Julien stopped by with his big plastic box of goodies. He had me sit comfortably on our couch and proceeded to pop needles an inch or so deep in ten different spots on... Read more >
A Stupid, Stupid Move
So yesterday I'm talking to my friend Summer on the phone. She's pregnant too, so we're having a lively little gab sesh and cackling madly about stuff that first-time pregnant chicks chat about - namely bodily functions, phobias and all... Read more >
Impatience
While the universe isn't raining gold coins and roses down upon us by any means, we've had some fairly blue skies here at Varmint Central. As you can probably guess from the lack of a blog entry, the one thing... Read more >
Welcome to the World
Meet Makenna Kay McGlathery. I never expected that The Varmint and I would fall so hard and go completely ga-ga in such a short time. How it All Went Down I'm hanging out with The Varmint last Wednesday night. That... Read more >
Rudolf's Diner
In the cacophony of major life-changing events that have been swirling around Tam + Varmintland, I forgot about a wonderful little event that I had been meaning to share. The Varmint and I are fortunate enough to have many eclectic... Read more >
I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >