Entries by Category
Entries in the 'Mamahood' Category

All Hail the One Pump Chump
So, I've been getting hate mail from people because my old reliable daily entry has turned into more of a bi-weekly to when-I-feel-like-it thing. "Are you getting lazy?" they ask. "Are you busy?" Well, yes and yes. But there is... Read more >
My Top Five Irrational Pregnancy Fears
My Top Five Irrational Pregnancy Fears1. I give birth to a rodent, or some variation with a fur / tail combination. (Varmint + Tam = ????) 2. Varmint Jr. gets the inevitable double-serving of The Nerd Gene and is destined... Read more >
Everything's Getting Bigger
Monday, the second contractor came by the house to tell us exactly how much of our hard-earned savings he felt we were going to have to cough up in order to make our postage stamp-sized, two-person home livable with a... Read more >
Head for the Hills
It's not everyone's idea of a good time. Heading to a mountain top getaway with three attention mongering kids (ages 1, 3 and 37), an iron-fisted Brazilian, a German shepherd, a rip-snoring Varmint and a gassy pregnant chick may even... Read more >
It's a Girl!
It was sonogram and amniocentesis day today - and we found out the big, Big, BIG news that we're having a girl - and she's looking perfect. Yahoo! It's funny, both sides of the family were exchanging the typical pleasantries,... Read more >
Test-Driving Other People's Kids
One of the best things about being a mom-to-be who's woefully past her prime is that everyone else has done it first. (One of the worst things is that everyone else has done it first, but that's another story.) Everyone... Read more >
There's a Rockette In My Pants
There's a Rockette in my pants, and she's trying to get out. Or a mini Mia Hamm. Having your ass kicked by a six-month-old fetus is enough to give you shivers about the teen years. What sort of spawn am... Read more >
Is It Wrong?
Speaking of drinking beer . . . (see previous entry) While ice cream has become a satisfactory, if temporary, substitute for the occasional fine brew, I fantasize daily about swilling a creamy, cool Guinness just as soon as that baby... Read more >
And the Mutant Offspring Award Goes to...
People have been asking for an image of The Varmint and me, you know, together. (That's the thing about lugging your Nikon around - you rarely have pictures of yourself. This one was shot by The Varmint's dad, Monte.) Sneakily,... Read more >
Baby Stylist to the Stars
We received our first baby outfit gift a few weeks back, from Sally (a.k.a. Sal, Sal-Bug or The Sallivator) who was very excited that we were having a girl. I like it so much that I've actually hung it above... Read more >
I Hate Baby Showers
Fact: I loathe baby showers. No, really. Pretty much everything about them. From the horrible little games (The "Sniff the Diaper" Game, anyone?! I'm all for fecal humor, but to waste perfectly good chocolate like that?) to the endless "Awwww!"s... Read more >
Welcome to the Apocalypse
 WELCOME to the APOCALYPSE! Tam and Shan are breeding!That was the opening line on the baby shower invitation. So I guess I should have expected what was coming. The only two activities outside of eating (street-style Mexican tacos) and drinking... Read more >
A Preview of Our Coming Attraction
 Not bad for a sonogram, eh? World, meet baby. Baby, meet world.... Read more >
A Move, A Reunion + A Big Kaboom - Part Three
 The Big Kaboom As you might imagine, sleeping when you're this pregnant is not easy. I'm not as bad off as Deb of the Microscopic Bladder who, nine months into her gestation, was up approximately 15 to 20 times per... Read more >
Catatonia at Chez Varmint
The Varmint has been distracted and staring off into space, lately. Also, he's spending a large amount of time in our new sub-level outdoor hidey hole, working and organizing stuff, but also frequently escaping into the calming machine-gun fire of... Read more >
My Current Perspective
 No, no - you're not looking at three moons, three paper plates, three eggs in a bowl or some bizarre set of freckled lightbulbs. This is my view whenever I try to see my feet. Will you look at that... Read more >
Unveiling the 'Secret' Plans for the Kid Pen
The Antagonists Jac, Jen, Deb and a few others have requested a blog entry / lowdown on what my plans are for the baby room. "We know you've been thinking about it," they say. "We know you know what you're... Read more >
Baby's Room: The Big Reveal
Today, I plopped the final cherry on the top of the baby room sundae. The Varmint and I are really happy with how it came out. I love interior design and this project was so much fun to plan and execute... Read more >
Welcome to the World
Meet Makenna Kay McGlathery. I never expected that The Varmint and I would fall so hard and go completely ga-ga in such a short time. How it All Went Down I'm hanging out with The Varmint last Wednesday night. That... Read more >
Bring It On
Mmmmm. Ain't it just the way of things? Here I am. The baby's sleeping and eating well and gaining weight like a new employee at Dairy Queen. I've lost 32 pounds in 12 days, have had about as a good... Read more >
Every Day is Christmas
Just look at what I get to look at everyday: The choicest bit of babyflesh one could ever ask for. Imminently smoochable. Sweet, soft and snuggly. Holy crap, I am loving life. Television seems to have lost its appeal since... Read more >
Thinking of Megan
So today, as with most days, I find my mind wandering when I'm supposed to be getting down to business. And today, same as yesterday, I'm thinking about my best friend. The one who has been my best friend since... Read more >
The Teen Princess Smackdown
For the first time since before motherhood, I ventured out into the real world today. The mission? Sanity. Which comes in the form of the elimination of cabin fever via lunch with Deb. And maybe a coffee afterward. With the... Read more >
Overheard
The Varmint to The Baby, as he stands in front of the refrigerator and shows her all of the photographs posted there: "Just look at your daddy. Isn't he just the coolest? Look how stylish your daddy is, you lucky,... Read more >
Because Mommy is a Sick, Sick Woman
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Snapshot - Sweet Dreams
Apparently, the sandman stayed for tea.This is what they mean when they say "Sleep like a baby..." And what wouldn't I give for one night's worth of this brand of sweet, sweet shuteye right about now, eh?... Read more >
Meg, Mak, Tak + Tam
I can officially assert that not all houseguests stink after three days. Some you actually wish would move in. (Note: The Varmint actually just said, "Do you think if we emptied out our garage and built a studio, Megan would... Read more >
Baby Wars
Finally, The Varmint, Mak and I manage to hang with our pregnancy twins Ian and Abi and their freshly-baked sweetie pie Ginger Rain. The event of choice? Brunch at their place. Brunch was an inspired choice. It's an imminently doable... Read more >
Snapshot - This One's for Megan
Just in case you needed a baby fix. I know Mak (and the rest of us) are missing ya. Big time. Today, progress: Little Miss Fussypants deigned to allow me to tote her sweet pink hiney around in the Baby... Read more >
And in This Corner
And in this corner ... weighing in at 12 pounds, 13oz ... with 57 direct hits, 12 blowouts ... It's L'Enfant Terrible, La Bambina of Barf, The Incorrigible Kid Mak! Mak: "Hand over the milk, bub, or I'll have to... Read more >
Dorky Dancing
So this chilly morning, I wake up, don my plush winter robe and Ugg Boots, grab the baby and shuffle out to the kitchen to make some hot coffee. I grab a cup and head out to the bright living... Read more >
The Sweetest Sound
Last night, I sat in our big red chair and held our daughter in my lap. She and I were looking into one another's eyes and making unintelligible noises at each other. Shannon was on the phone with his brother,... Read more >
Yo, Baby
This is the baby's Longshoreman Outfit. I'm including it here because it is one of the rare times where you will see her in anything other than pajamas. Frankly, I find that baby clothes are a pain in the ass.... Read more >
Letters to Makenna :: Three Months Old
Hey Makenna,It's mommy here. This is to be your first letter of many.I had all of these grand plans to start a journal all about you and the daily wonders we're enjoying, but mommy wasn't very smart at estimating how... Read more >
My Little Lion Cub
No one likes to make the analogy, but at this 5-months-old stage, baby humans are a lot like baby animals. There's the chewing, and the drooling, and the ravenous (and slightly scary in a nipple-shriveling sort of way) eating. And... Read more >
C'mon Just Let Me Touch It
This weekend, The Varmint, the kid, my mom and I all piled a small mountain of luggage (including about 50,000 baby toys, a foam seat called a Bumbo, triple-backup onesie options, paste for both teeth and butt, and no less... Read more >
I Love the Smell of Baby Barf in the Morning
The entire Varmint Clan was bright-eyed and bushytailed before 7am today. And there wasn't even a plane to catch. On normal days, Mak wakes up around 5am. I go get her, bring her to our bed and she has breakfast.... Read more >
Mama + Mak in The Big Red Chair
I love this picture.... Read more >
Take a Seat, Baby
I am constantly amazed at the volume of crap it takes to raise a kid without going insane - play gyms, toys, chairs, seats, saucers, bouncers, wheelies... People fret about feeding, clothing and educating their rugrats, but few people give... Read more >
Baby Steps to Amnesia
Sometimes, it feels like I wasted a few too billion brain cells during the halcyon days of my youth. I could really use them now. Take for example the current state of affairs: Feeling pretty much stretched to capacity, I... Read more >
Caddyshack Revisited
This is a story about poo. But like most stories about poo, it begins as a story about food.Makenna started solids last week, a wallpaper paste mixture of breast milk and rice cereal. This week, we added applesauce. At each... Read more >
Not a Fan of the Yams
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Baby Mak is On the Move
Hear that sound? It's the death knell of whatever free time we had. As of yesterday, Thursday afternoon, April 26, our baby can crawl. Welcome to the wonderful, diaper-wagging world of High Speed baby, with mom as perennial chase vehicle. ... Read more >
Gimme Gimme
This is a shot of Mak and her pal Ginger during brunch a couple of weeks back.When I bought the bottle brush, I had no idea it would someday be the catalyst for a new entrpreneurial enterprise: Worldwide Baby Wrestling.... Read more >
Rainy Day Fun
I always did love rainy days.   ... Read more >
Decisions Decisions
We wondered what happened to the chocolate cake...... Read more >
Ch-ch-ch-changes
There are periods of your life that stretch out, seem to go on forever, with you doing the same comfortable routine: A big one is The Work Routine, where you get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch... Read more >
Letters to Makenna: 8 Months Old
Hi Makenna,You are now officially 8 months old and mama's head is spinning. Where is that little dark-eyed peanut I brought home from the hospital? And who replaced her with this dancy-eyed, whirligig of a little girl with her "Ma-maaah-mah-mah"s,... Read more >
This One's For Christy
Last night was a bookless book club meeting, which really means it was an excuse for the five of us to read what we wanted this month and still get together and drink margaritas and eat Mexican food. So, after... Read more >
An Embarrassment of Riches
Isn't just typical? In a sea of baby treasure, my kid skinnys under the sofa and retrieves a discarded luggage handle from a few trips back as her entertainment du jour. If only the rest of us were so easily... Read more >
Letters to Makenna: Nine Months
Dear Makenna,As I write this, you are on the floor of our bedroom, emptying out my bikini drawer and shrieking at the top of your lungs. In other words, it's just another day.Your 9 month vitals as of June 25,... Read more >
Santa Barbara Bung-tacular
This peaceful moment - of the cousins all chillin' in the tub as my sister-in-law Rachel and I looked on - was the best and briefest part of my nephew's birthday weekend. Moments later my kid would cry out as she... Read more >
Mak's Pack
From the left: Julien, Milo, Sacha and Lucy. This is the pack Mak's currently running with. They're bad seeds, but what can a mother do? A word to the wise: If you this lot in a dark alley, don't let... Read more >
Kidnapped!
No, no. Not Mak. Charlie the Turtle. And worse? Sacha la Chat! Will the horrible, horrible repercussions of that evil weekend in Santa Barbara never end?So, I send my brother the following email missive:- - - - - - -... Read more >
FOUND!
Turns out the defectors were not actually kidnapped, but runaways who were captured and returned. We're not sure what caused the sudden departure - after all, Sacha and Charlie have got it pretty good here at Chez Varmint: A rent-free... Read more >
A Year Ago Today
One year ago yesterday, after 20+ hours of labor and with The Varmint and Deb standing next to me, the best thing in my life popped out of my very own innards and said hello.This picture's from the day after... Read more >
Birthday Party Numero Uno
She arrived with her own personal attendants, was festooned with as-yet untold treasures, lauded for her preciousness, sung to, hand-fed only the choicest morsels, given chocolate and carried about in the arms of strapping young men. She was cooed to,... Read more >
Letters to Makenna: 13 Months Old
Dear Makenna,It's been awhile since mommy wrote her monthly letter to you, but I've been a little busy. You're very hard to keep up with these days. And as any mommy who gives a whoop about working, eating and household... Read more >
When Daddy's Too Slow
Our kid loves bath time. As in really, really, reallllllllly loves it. Will stand there hopping from foot to foot, kicking her leg up like she's straddling a Harley to leap into that bath. So, here's a wee word to... Read more >
Boobies & Butting Out
Too small, I thought. Too boring. Too freckly. Too white. Too pink. Too easy to blush. I bemoaned the total lack of cleavage all through high school. Sighed over their inability to augment my social life. Put up with fried... Read more >
Let's Just Call It Extra Flavorful
One of ten billion possible sentences you'd really rather you never had to say to your partner:"Um, babe? You've been here all morning with the baby, right?""That's right.""Never left the house?""Nope." "Soooo, where'd she get the hot dog?" ... Read more >
Mac'n with My Mak
Since I've switched to using a MacBook Pro from a PC laptop, things have been a lot more fun around here. Including me. Simply put, I no longer suffer from The Grumpies. (The Varmint actually calls them 'The Bitchies', but... Read more >
A Little to the Right
Yesterday morning, I awoke to the scramblings of my 1.5 year old. Pretty soon, I had teeny little fingers propping open my eyelids, and her grinning face and little voice squealing in my ears, "HI MOMMY!"I provided my usual grunting... Read more >
Meet Norman
Yesterday, as we were getting ready to go shopping at Costco, Mak grabbed this as her traveling companion. Before you go thinking anything you shouldn't, it was purchased for us as a shower gift by our friends Summer and Karl,... Read more >
The Loving of the Gurt
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Mama's Little Helper
This is a new development that I'm really loving.Yes, everything takes twice as long. Things may not be stirred quite as smoothly. And there is certainly a bit more of a mess to clean up.But then you look down, and... Read more >
Mak In All Her Mak-ness
Sometimes, you get a picture that really "gets" your kid. We've had a few. This one is definitely one of them. Right now, she's talking a lot - some favorite sayings include "OH, MAN!" and "I BWOKE IT!"She's an early... Read more >
The All-Girl Getaway - Plus Varmint (& Kid)
Our girlfriend getaway for Jen, Deb, Donna and me has been planned since high school. We weren't sure where we were going - Italy was an often-mentioned spot, maybe frolicking around Greece - but we knew we were going together... Read more >
Captivated
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Penguin Rodeo
Mak and Sophie and Summer and I hit Sea World yesterday. As new owner of the all-powerful Silver Pass I am now able to take my kid to Sea World any day I want, enjoy the lush grounds, one animal... Read more >
Pheeeeeew-weeeeeeeeet!
I was speaking with my neighbor Jen the other day - she who, traitorously, is moving away as soon as her house sells, taking Mak's favorite playmate 2 year-old Eddie and his little brother Ethan away with her. (Not that... Read more >
Ice Kweem
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There is one thing in this world, and only one thing in this world that will make my bullheaded, deeply focused, independent and self-aware two year old immediately stop what she's doing and look you in the eyes. And that... Read more >
Cinderella
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Welcome to the Jungle, Part II
It has been weeks since a decent post, but that's because I've been puking my guts out for the last couple of months. Any time not spent hovering over the crapper has pretty much been spent trying to figure out... Read more >
Letter to Makenna: First Day of Preschool
Dear Makenna,Boy, have I got a surprise for you. In just a few months, you're going to have your very own live baby to play with! That's right! All yours. Of course, we probably need to have a chat before... Read more >
Serious Business
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Overheard: Mak & Daddy
Makenna: "DADDY! WHERE AAAAARE YOU? GO GET ICE CREAM!!! ICE CREAM!!! YAAAY!"The Varmint: (echoing from inside the bathroom) "Yes, Makenna. We'll go get ice cream as soon as Daddy's finished."Makenna: (2.5 seconds later) "DADDY! COME ON! COME ON, DADDY!"The Varmint:... Read more >
Yayo Bandit
Sitting in my big red chair, I watch the most un-morningest-person on the planet, otherwise known as Zombie Daddy, stumble out to the kitchen in his big black bathrobe and matching undereye circles, pour himself a bowl of raisin flax... Read more >
Colorful World
With the delivery of our patio furniture and all of the cushions, comes the delivery of another kind of treasure: Giant cardboard boxes. After grabbing some supplies and spending a few minutes setting them up and stripping Mak down, we... Read more >
Time Ticks Down
Three weeks to go. And who'd have thought two pregnancies could be so different?  It's weird enough having something wiggling around on the inside of your body, shoving itty bitty extremeties into the nooks and crannies of your hip bones,... Read more >
Hello, Teagan Jayne :: Part I
  This one's for Teagan. To remember the day she was born. If I told you that 5:45 Sunday morning, September 6, 2009, arrived in an eyeblink, quicker than thought, quicker even than acceptance of eight-plus months of denial could evaporate... Read more >
Holes In My Face
It's bedtime, and Makenna and I are lying in bed, facing one another and talking. She's 3, so the conversation usually goes along the lines of me making her stuffed cow, Baby Cowie, talk, or if I'll rub her back... Read more >
Hello, Teagan Jayne :: Part II
Continued from Part I[Quick note: Yes, it has taken this many months to write this all out. How many? Eleven crazy crazy months of balls-to-the-wall gnarliness, and I don't wanna hear any guff about the delay. I feel like a... Read more >
I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >