Entries by Category
Entries in the 'Tam's Big Hairy Eyeball' Category

Revenge Will Be Mine
It was my birthday last Friday. Frankly, I was just pleased to be upright, able to control my sphinctre, relatively pain-free and out of the house. (What more could one ask for at any age, really?) Birthdays never freak me... Read more >
The Great Hair Migration
Sometime in the last year when we weren’t looking, the opening volley in The Hair Wars was fired. This is the advantage to being married to someone your age: You can verbalize the incredulity that this shit is actually happening... Read more >
Diary of an Addict
Suckered you in with that attention-grabbing headline, didn’t I? Before you get your undies in a bunch, I figure I’d better ‘fess up. Sadly for the salaciousness of this blog, no one in my immediate circle is a drug addict.... Read more >
Once a Rock Star, Always a Rock Star
 Friday night, 9p.m., downtown San Diego was collectively SOMF'd by Mick Jagger and The Rolling Stones. (Don't know what SOMF means? Never seen it used as a verb? Never admit it publicly, my friend. Your cool-q will drop by full... Read more >
Movie Madness
Shan and I are obsessed with movies. On average, we see between six and twelve per month. Our mailman lobbed a good-natured grumble our direction yesterday saying, "Them red Netflix envelopes is always in yer mailbox - don't even need... Read more >
Gobble Gobble - 2005
The usual day of gluttony, guilt and remote control wrestling ended up a bust. Nope. Instead, it was pretty much a joyful, Norman Rockwellian affair, just a little bit angstier and neurotic and with a lot more volume. Two... Read more >
The Shoppinator
The Sallivator goes home today. And not unlike like the Vikings, she takes with her a boatful of loot she pillaged from the unsuspecting and arrogant village of La Jolla. Yep, The Jewel by the Sea has been looted and... Read more >
Movie - Walk the Line
By now, if you haven't heard that Walk the Line is a film worth seeing, you obviously own TiVo and have ignored all of your friends for the last month. Walk the Line is the life story of Johnny... Read more >
Sur la Table
In the first-ever One Good Life blog request, The Sallivator made me promise that I'd post a picture of the table we tiled together so she might visit it from time-to-time.I like to think of it as Glamour Shots for... Read more >
One for the Record Books
You know how sometimes, you go sniffing around for something, say in a closet - or, perhaps a garage that you happened to accidentally be cleaning one nameless Saturday because you realized there was so much shit in said garage... Read more >
I am a Dirty, Dirty Girl
Often the hottest location in the United States at any given time, the Anza Borrego Desert has an average rainfall of just 6.86 inches per year. A few weeks per year, when the rainfall's been good, you can see the... Read more >
Sketches - Cats & Dogs
Found some old notebooks from when I was studying German in Berlin. Inside were a lot of sketches, and a few notes about German. These two sketches were a two-parter on page 25, next to the word verwohnt, which means... Read more >
Our Kitchen's Mini Makeover
In what amounts to a wild orgy of spending since Sir Squeakalot became co-chairman of finance back in May of 2004, we made two updates to our kitchen: We bought a new range and a new microwave. I didn't give Captain... Read more >
Sketches - Detachable Boobs
Say what you will, I've always been a Barbie fan. It started by accidentally melting her in "Barbie's Sauna" (a.k.a. Mom's oven) at age 6 and culminated in my first short film "Barbie's Bidet" - which starred my 1979-era Barbie,... Read more >
The Girlie Chronicles: Revelation, Part I
Monday, The Varmint and I went to the fertility doctor. The funny thing is that we're still on the fence about Varmintlings. (To be honest, The Varmint's leaning a little further over the fence, Humpty Dumpty-style, than I. But he's... Read more >
The Girlie Chronicles: Revelation, Part II
(Note: As the title indicates, this is the second of a two-part story. To read things in order, scroll to the entry directly below this. We wouldn't want you to be confused...) Propelled by the paw at my back, I... Read more >
Further Props to The Varmint
I have to take a moment to thank the unsung hero of last night, my husband, The Varmint, who valiantly and without heed to his personal welfare cleaned up the bathroom after it was summarily destroyed by... someone. [ For... Read more >
Our Poncey Prince of Holiday Cheer
If you've been reading regularly, you know of my dear friend Gerald - a.k.a. Dex the Taunter - who tortured us via email for days in an orgy of in-your-face, WWF-style threat-downs as his lummox-like Pummelinguists were set to slaughter... Read more >
My Personal Peep Show
 Due to my body's delightful timing, I get to go to the doctor on Friday for a little procedure called an HSG test. That's where they inject my uterus and tubes with a concoction, take a bunch of x-ray snaps... Read more >
Earl of the Waiting Room
My favorite part of undergoing any medical procedure is the waiting room. That's because waiting rooms are prime people-watching real estate. I love fabricating back-stories of the more colorful characters to pass the time. This morning's waiting room was at... Read more >
Family & The Holidays
You never can tell when the lightbulb is gonna cla-click ON above your head. In my case, one of my nephews was being a little turd as my other nephew wailed, the baby was balancing disturbingly rigid and giggling maniacally... Read more >
Sketches from Berlin
Just a thought, here... but as I was once again leafing through my language-studies notebook from my years in Germany it occurred to me: Perhaps part of the reason my German sucks so bad these days is that I spent... Read more >
Overheard - The Nightmare Client
Today at work, The Varmint and I have been negotiating the trickiest of all clients: The Frustrated Graphic Designer. He wears the dark-rimmed glasses. He waxes on using words like "minimalist" and "organic" and "Warholian" in the same sentence. He... Read more >
The Book Club Coup
You get strange reactions from people when you tell them you're in a book club. Usually they nod, smile politely and say something like, "Oh really?" Meanwhile you can see that mentally, they've squealed-out. They quickly change the topic in... Read more >
Trail of (Blood, Sweat &) Tears
The Varmint and I share a desk. A huge, wide useful desk crafted by his handy brother Justin, but just one desk, nonetheless. Our computers are at opposite ends, leaving our backs angled toward one another. This provides us each... Read more >
Rant Rant Rant Rant
I can not tell you the hundreds of hours I've lost as a result of the hunk of crap program known as Microsoft Word. The three things I hate most about Word: 1. Crashing as you try to save. 2.... Read more >
Lemony Snippish
 It's a sad state of affairs when this earns but a minor chuckle from the Hee-Haw, Horse-Laughingest, Snort Queen likes of me - I mean come on. It's "Varmint Goes Horshack." The truth is, my present state of affairs would... Read more >
Farewell, Clairemont Bowl
One of the last great bastions of blue collar entertainment in my neighborhood is sadly being torn down in earnest. After 49 years, the Clairemont Bowl is being leveled to make room for yuppie condos. Prior to the "official"... Read more >
Ma & Pa Varmint
 This is Monte, possibly the World's Coolest Father-in-Law. He'll probably want to kill me for posting this, but I love this shot as it clearly illustrates his True Inner Monte-ness. Usually, Varmint Sr.'s a cool, cool customer - deceptively quiet,... Read more >
Sleepless in San Diego
This isn't going to be a funny entry. Humor takes effort, and I'm too damned tired. Insomnia has plagued me ever since I can remember. Often, I'm fretting over work stuff or a weird social thing - but sometimes, it's... Read more >
Neil Diamond: My Nemesis, My Hero
I never, ever thought I'd hear myself say this. Especially after catching The Varmint belting out "Heartlight" at the top of his lungs when he thought I wasn't home. But Neil Diamond's latest album 12 Songs, is just awesome. The... Read more >
All Hail the One Pump Chump
So, I've been getting hate mail from people because my old reliable daily entry has turned into more of a bi-weekly to when-I-feel-like-it thing. "Are you getting lazy?" they ask. "Are you busy?" Well, yes and yes. But there is... Read more >
My Top Five Irrational Pregnancy Fears
My Top Five Irrational Pregnancy Fears1. I give birth to a rodent, or some variation with a fur / tail combination. (Varmint + Tam = ????) 2. Varmint Jr. gets the inevitable double-serving of The Nerd Gene and is destined... Read more >
Everything's Getting Bigger
Monday, the second contractor came by the house to tell us exactly how much of our hard-earned savings he felt we were going to have to cough up in order to make our postage stamp-sized, two-person home livable with a... Read more >
Get Outta Mah Belly
And no, I'm not talking about the baby. Yet. What I am talking about is baby's not-often-talked-about sidekick: Gas. Nobody ever tells you the weird day-to-day stuff of pregnancy. Sure, they'll give you the half-hour play-by-play of their excruciating birth,... Read more >
A Phew! and a Pfffft!
Jen, one of my best friends in the whole world, just got out of surgery on Friday. I spent much of the day with my ass cheeks clenched, waiting for news as to how it all went. Ironically, I was... Read more >
Wallowing in My Granny Ways
I know that growing roses is an old-fashioned sort of hobby to have, but I don't care. They smell good and they are bright and you get to cut them and give them to people and bring them into the... Read more >
Steppin' Out
There are those people in your life - we all have them - that mark a sort of milestone era in your personal history. Maybe it was your high school clique, your platoon buddies, a softball team or the summer... Read more >
Snapshot - The Hot Dog
I initially titled this shot "Easy Rider". [Peter Fonda, eat your heart out.] Now, I have to call it Ride of The Hot Dog.Jenny saw the picture, zeroed in on The Varmint's luxurious neck roll and said three words which... Read more >
Why I Shouldn't Watch 'Baby Story'
Always diligent, I thought it might be wise to conduct some research and watch the many ways the birthing thing goes down before my own feet hit the stirrups. That way, I logically figured, I could try to mentally prepare... Read more >
Big Game in La Jolla
I walk a few miles five days a week with a friend. I usually go with Deb, which is good because the time flies by and my fix to exercise, see my friends, kvetch and get out of the house... Read more >
Welcome to the Neighborhood, Paul Bunyan
[Attention: I wrote this in a crabby mood. You've been warned ...] The suckiest part of home ownership is that you can't choose your neighbors, nor control what they do to your block. The house across the street (the one on... Read more >
Father's Day
This father's day was spent with The Varmint's family - great bastion of enlightened testosterone that it is, replete with three fathers (okay, two fathers and one awesome father-to-be) and three generations of boys. Mostly, celebrating is about eating with... Read more >
Mom's Bun Fetish Exposed!
Now here's a woman who knows how to spend a dollar. . . Mom gave us our terrific baby gift - a very hip kitchen table from IKEA that we'll be using as a dresser and changing table for the... Read more >
Looking for Denmark in Southern California
 The Varmint and I have a thing for good design with our tiny little Habitrail house. I guess that's good, being as we design things for a living, but it's also a little brutal on the pocketbook when shopping for... Read more >
I Hate Baby Showers
Fact: I loathe baby showers. No, really. Pretty much everything about them. From the horrible little games (The "Sniff the Diaper" Game, anyone?! I'm all for fecal humor, but to waste perfectly good chocolate like that?) to the endless "Awwww!"s... Read more >
Bruce, Bruce, Bruce-Bruce-Bruce
I just read some surprisingly bad news on the BBC website this morning: No, it's nothing about the Middle East, Israeli bombs or Bush stepping smack in the middle of yet another squishy, foul-smelling foreign policy scandal. Nope, this is... Read more >
Braincation - Dog Beach Sunset
Yet another divine San Diego sunset, taken at Dog Beach in Ocean Beach, a ways north of one of The Varmint's usual surf spots, called Garbage, close to another favorite spot called Bird Shit. My theory is that (with the... Read more >
The Teen Princess Smackdown
For the first time since before motherhood, I ventured out into the real world today. The mission? Sanity. Which comes in the form of the elimination of cabin fever via lunch with Deb. And maybe a coffee afterward. With the... Read more >
Separated at Birth?
My niece Livia came to visit the other weekend. That's when I first noticed it... Somehow, I doubt if my brother will let me call her "Little Grimley".  ... Read more >
Ornithologically Speaking
Tam: "Look at that red-tailed hawk!" Mom: "How beautiful! Remember all of those red-tailed hawks that used to live in the canyon behind my house? They don't live there anymore. I think it's because of the crazy lady across the... Read more >
Creepy Crawlies
Last entry, it was rats. This one, we're talking spiders. (Hey, I'm a little late with the Halloween spirit, but trust me, it's there.) Man. Living where we do, and with the enormous tropical and tree-ridden yard we've got, I... Read more >
Meg, Mak, Tak + Tam
I can officially assert that not all houseguests stink after three days. Some you actually wish would move in. (Note: The Varmint actually just said, "Do you think if we emptied out our garage and built a studio, Megan would... Read more >
Wrong Way, Little Dog
So this is the top sidebar picture that greeted me on my Yahoo! homepage this morning. For the life of me, I couldn't tell what it was until I clicked on it, and opened it larger. My initial guess when... Read more >
Farewell, Sweet Smell o' Christmas
Farewell, sweet smell o' Christmas. Farewell to hunting for the perfect tree, finding it, gasping at the price and spending way too much money on it. Farewell to jouncing all the way home with a giant tree stuffed in the... Read more >
The Sweetest Sound
Last night, I sat in our big red chair and held our daughter in my lap. She and I were looking into one another's eyes and making unintelligible noises at each other. Shannon was on the phone with his brother,... Read more >
One for the Ladies
Sssssh. I'm hiding. Don't tell anyone I'm blogging. If they find out, they'll try to make me work or behave pleasantly, and frankly, I don't feel like doing either. It's the holidays. It may say "Christmas Vacation" on our... Read more >
Yo, Baby
This is the baby's Longshoreman Outfit. I'm including it here because it is one of the rare times where you will see her in anything other than pajamas. Frankly, I find that baby clothes are a pain in the ass.... Read more >
A Perfect Poop Storm
For the past three weeks, things at Chez Varmint have been a simmering pile of clenched butts and grinding teeth. Initially I couldn't write because we were hard at work on the new One Good Life site; we were transferring... Read more >
Behold! Genuine Varmint Clippings
Why do men do stuff like this? Grab the razor, shave off their fur, then leave the evidence behind without regard for the next person who comes along? I mean, do I REALLY want to be staring at this pile... Read more >
I Am That Asshole
Note to self: 6pm on a Monday night is not the best time to hit the grocery store. Not only is every person who put off shopping during the weekend suddenly in desperate need of dinner, but you get the... Read more >
Blogging: The Joys and The Horror
The thing about blogging regularly is that you never really know who's reading unless they leave a comment. More than once I've run into someone whom I haven't seen in years - or, weirder still, someone I don't know very... Read more >
There are periods of your life that stretch out, seem to go on forever, with you doing the same comfortable routine: A big one is The Work Routine, where you get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch... Read more >
Three Years Ago, The Deal Was Sealed
Not too long ago, back in the Glory Days as The Varmint would call them, I didn't give a rat's patootie about stuff like wedding anniversaries. "It's just another day," I would say. I've since changed my mind and now... Read more >
Varmint Twin: The Varmint Senior
I've been getting the occasional comment or email lately asking about Varmint Twins - where have they gone?! Are there any new ones? (What the hell is a Varmint Twin you ask? Look here and here for your answer.) I'm... Read more >
Say Hello to My Little Friend
As many of you know, whatever social advantages my extreme honkiness may have imbued upon my life, the downside has been rather severe. Twenty-plus years of desperate SoCal sunning have finally rewarded me, not with the off-white, slightly-less-than-green tint of... Read more >
Tam Turns 40
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Holy cow. Did I just write that headline? Outing myself as statistically half-done and officially out of range of having any shot at being carded (unless it's a MILF-minded suck-up behind the counter) is actually not that big a deal.... Read more >
Two Cougars and Their Prey
Remember when all of your friends were getting married - for the first time - and it seemed like every year you were invited to a wedding or three? Back then, most of the people I knew loved weddings because... Read more >
Here's Looking at You, Winky
I'm finally used to writing '07 when I write out the date, which can mean only one thing: It just turned 2008.And look! It has been more than two weeks since I last blogged. Which means I've been running around... Read more >
TV - Worth It's Weight In Gold
For all of the folks out there who smugly affirm that they "almost never watch television" or, worse yet, "don't even OWN a T.V." this, perhaps, might not be the entry for you. For the record, I fully and publicly... Read more >
Tina Fey Porked My Varmint
So last night my best friend, Tina Fey, hooked up with The Varmint. Not once, but three whole times. She was very non-chalant about the whole scrumping my husband thing."The first time we hooked up," she said casually to me,... Read more >
The Happiest Car on Earth?
Was out for a walk around Mission Hills when I spied this BMW and fell in love. It is the first Beemer I've ever wanted to own.  If a car ever had an expression, this car would have the one... Read more >
Is Everyone a Little Happier - or Is It Just Spring?
I don't know about you, but things sure seem a little different, mood-wise, lately. I know I'm feeling it, personally. The sun is shinier, colors are brighter, food tastes better. Have you felt it, too?For me, the interesting thing is... Read more >
Did you listen to Obama's speech last night? Because, while politics take a big backseat to my family, good food and poop jokes, I've got to say: Wow. How long has it been since you've heard someone speak with the... Read more >
It's Business Time
If you haven't been lucky enough to see Flight of the Conchords do "Business Time," it is essential for you to do so, now.There is an unfortunate side effect of watching "Business Time" and that is that when Business Time... Read more >
The Cat Burglar. Literally.
McLovin is not a cat. He's a bitter little man in a fur suit.Proof? Although McLovin is strictly an outdoor kitty, like most cat owners, we've got a cat toy. It's a wiggly black stick about 3 feet long with... Read more >
I Hate Running .... Thankyouverymuch!
As a former soccer player, nearly every day of every week for 11 years, I was forced to do laps. It was the old-school way to train for the long-distance running required of the sport. And while I loved soccer,... Read more >
YP.com Sucks Ass
To Whom It May Concern,This email may not be the correct forum to voice this complaint, but we need to do something.We are business owners, and have been receiving repeated phone calls in the last 6 weeks for your YP.com... Read more >
Mamma Mishaps Week
What's in the air? Who's punishing the family moms this week? Because it's getting out of hand. Seriously.In the last 7 days here's the short list of the crap that's gone down:1. My mom had surgery.2. My buddy Jen's mom... Read more >
Confidential to the Checker at Keil's in Clairemont
I've never seen you before. You, with the dead blue eyes, granny glasses, hangdog face and bad grey-blond "I love Fantasy Island" haircut. I've never experienced your curious brand of customer service, the irritated sigh, near-silent grunt and shrug-of-the-shoulders reply... Read more >
Hoist Your Flags High, Mateys
I've been thinking about causes, lately, and how they seem to define so many of us. This election year, it's inescapable: Democrat? Republican? Environmentalist? Pro-lifer? Choose your patch of grass, plant your flag, make a stand. People wear lots of... Read more >
The Hostess with the Leastest
I haven't spoken at length to anybody but The Varmint, Baby Mak and Deb for more than seven days straight. This remains true despite the fact I hosted book club with 4 of my favorite gal pals in attendance on... Read more >
Easy Spirit
My mom's closet is the size I dream about. A walk-in affair, it has its own window and being my mom's, is organized to the hilt. You'll find many things in my mom's closet. A vintage alligator handbag. A 1970s... Read more >
Late last night, a huge explosion rocked our neighborhood. A few minutes later, a second big BOOM! And then a series of pop!pop!pop!pop!s and crackles. We were all semi-awake by a sad series of mishaps and illness, but when The... Read more >
A Small Collage of Happy-Happy
Here are a few images I was thumbing through that made me smile, each for different reasons.BABY MAK, BABY NO MOREI love this picture of Makenna; her face looks so beyond two years old that it's like you're seeing into... Read more >
Insomnia, Self Torture and Other Hobbies
Insomnia is a regular part of my life, as you can see from this page from my journal. Of late, it's been particularly bad - I konk out anywhere from 9:30 - 11:30pm without problem, then find myself with bushbaby... Read more >
A Shopping Manifesto
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Let's face it, in these days of a new frugality and increased consciousness about need vs. want, shopping is deeply uncool. It's about time. Even the ultra-rich have pared back on blatant consumerism - or at least are hiding it... Read more >
Fine Art & Flying Toilets
This is an amazing photographic art project and a heart-wrenching video created by JR, a French photographer who has used his artistry to uplift and turn our collective eye to a region known primarily for being one of the largest... Read more >
Top 10 Splurges (That Make Daily Life Worth Living)
My good friend Christy just wrote a terrific story titled "Five Dollar Croutons" about the 10 simple things in her daily life on which she refuses to skimp. Interestingly, at least 4 of her 10 were on my list, too.... Read more >
And I Ran So Far Away
In one of my favorite fantasies, we chuck everything and move somewhere out of the country. Someplace new, with languages to learn and food we can't identify and universes to explore. Someplace where we wear sweaters and boots in winter.... Read more >
I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >