Yayo Bandit

Sitting in my big red chair, I watch the most un-morningest-person on the planet, otherwise known as Zombie Daddy, stumble out to the kitchen in his big black bathrobe and matching undereye circles, pour himself a bowl of raisin flax seed cereal and drag-ass to the sofa.

He flops down with a huff and commences to blearily shovel cereal into his face, as his polar opposite, Mak, flits about him like a fairy satellite chatting incessantly and asking questions, a hyper white light to his slothy grumbles.

Spotting his huge bowl of cereal, Mak stops chattering mid-sentence, runs out to the kitchen and flings open a drawer with a clatter. 

"I think my cereal's about to get hijacked," mumbles Zombie Daddy.

In races the kid, spoons in hand. She leaps onto the sofa, grabs his bowl of cereal shouting, "YAYO!" (her word for cereal) and proceeds to hunt down every raisin morsel in the bowl. Her face is coated with milk and flax detritus. Daddy's still gamely shoveling in the now-raisinless remnants as well, though Mak's a bit territorial and making it difficult. It's rather like watching a couple of puppies scramble for an open teat.

Finally, Mak takes a huge bite and, making a scrunchy face, spits it (there are no more raisins, after all) - in all it's half-chewed glory - back into the bowl. They stare at one another, heavy lidded Daddy and the glinty-eyed sprite.

Slowly, he dips his spoon into the bowl, hauling out a big scoop of the now-special cereal, never losing eye contact, never blinking. He shovels it in. Chews. Swallows.

Which Makenna finds hilarious.

And ok, I admit it: Me, too. But to my credit, there is still a large part of me that wants to gag. Think I'll wait for the post-toothbrushing phase of the morning before getting too close.




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I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >