No More Eye Contact

The Varmint: "Um, babe? There were Kotex on this shopping list."

Tam: "And your point?"

The Varmint: "Well, I only had, like, two other items on the list."

Tam: "Yeah?"

The Varmint: "And there were three different kinds of Kotex. [pause] Um, I did the best I could with that, by the way."

Tam: "I appreciate that... Is there more to this story?"

The Varmint: "Well, during checkout, I picked the line with the cutest girl checker, because, you know, I thought she'd appreciate the coolness of my taking care of my wife's special needs."

Tam: "For the record, 'special needs' makes it sound like I should be riding the short bus one week of the month..."

The Varmint: [ignoring Tam entirely]  "Anyway, just as I was about to check out, a new line opened up with this young dude as checker. He calls me over at the last second. I'm totally bummed, but what else can I do? I had to walk over there. And he goes, 'Hey man, howz it going?' and I'm like, 'Great,' and then we both look down at this big pile of pink Kotex."

Tam: "...and?"

The Varmint: "And from that point on, we both knew nobody could say anything and there'd be no more eye contact."

Tam: [silent] "So... the moral of this story is that even 40-year-old men turn into junior high school boys when faced with a package of sanitary napkins?"

The Varmint: "No. I just want you to take this into consideration before I tell you that I ate the last of the ice cream." 




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I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >