Entries
Behold! Genuine Varmint Clippings
VarmintClippings

Why do men do stuff like this? Grab the razor, shave off their fur, then leave the evidence behind without regard for the next person who comes along? I mean, do I REALLY want to be staring at this pile of maybe-pubes when I'm about to brush my teeth? How hard is it to run the tap and send these little suckers to their watery grave?

(By the way, fellas, these are what you call rhetorical questions. Which means: I don't want to hear your "answers" which, let's face it, we all know are nothing more than thinly-disguised excuses for slovenly behavior.)

Deb tells me I am not alone with this sort of stuff, that lots of guys are into leaving behind their leavings. And with a few neatnik exceptions, I have to say that in my experience, this is true. One theory is it's a throwback to the days of territory marking: Dirty socks, skidmarked undies and beard boogers as the modern equivalent of peeing on a tree.

PammyCakes.jpg Personally, I don't know if I buy that. I am of the opinion that most men spend lots of time in "dee-dee-dee" land, daydreaming about Pamela Anderson's boobies, why Scarlett Johansen is on their List of Freebies, how totally awesome the new Mustang blahblahblah 5zillionHP blah blah, or touchdowns or surfing or whatever. That's why I never ask dumbass girl questions like "What are you thinking about?". Generally, I've found that I REALLY don't want to know.

Which is why I'm not asking why the nasty sink pepper was left for my enjoyment. I'm simply going to assume it was a gesture of extreme affection, and as a result, am proudly publishing it here, for the world to see.

Later, as a reciprocal love token, I plan to clip my toenails and arrange them on his pillow in the shape of a heart.


Comments

  1. The Varmint said on March 20, 2007 22:45

    For the record this is the first time in years I've forgotten to remove my varmint-spoor from the sink. And I would have remembered this time too if it hadn't have been for Scarlett muddling my brain activity. Besides, isn't it better to have a well groomed varmint with a soft shiny pelt?

  2. Nana Jan said on March 21, 2007 10:42

    He didn't! Did he really?!

WRITE YOUR COMMENT

Please enter your contact information, so we can verify you aren't a bottom-feeding spambot. We promise we won't pass it along to anyone.



I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >