Baby Wars

Finally, The Varmint, Mak and I manage to hang with our pregnancy twins Ian and Abi and their freshly-baked sweetie pie Ginger Rain. The event of choice? Brunch at their place.

Brunch was an inspired choice. It's an imminently doable event for new parents, being relaxed and easygoing - far less stressful than the pressure of your average barbecue dinner, too-early breakfast or smack-in-the-middle-of-the-day lunch.

This stuff is important when everybody involved is wearing spit-up covered shirts, has pretty much given up the idea of ever brushing their teeth again and is comfortable with the thought of a full night's sleep replacing porno as something worth getting excited about. We new parents are almost forced to hang out together: As a pack, we all smell alike and are thus immune to one another's funky musk.

BabyWars.jpgAnyway, brunch was a great success, what with Abi managing to pull off a tasty baked egg-and-whatever-was-in-the-fridge dish and us popping the can and baking up some cinnamon rolls.

When everybody was fed, we decided to engage Phase Two of the Sunday morning plan and greenlight the entertainment portion of the program - namely, greasing up the babies, throwing them in the kiddie pool and letting them go at it, mano-a-mano. First one to cry would be declared LOSER. Or WUSSY. Or maybe WUSSY-LOSER.

My money, naturally, was on Mak - though the odds were not in her favor with her being G-Rain's junior by nearly a month. Still, I figured what she lacked in coordination, she made up for in weight, wiley tactics and a penchant for dirty fighting. (Hey, we don't call her The Barracuda for nothing - my boobs have to be coaxed out of the nursing bra when they hear her coming.)

Unfortunately, our afternoon's entertainment was thwarted when peace-loving G-Rain heard the siren song of her crashing waves CD and decided that napping was better sport than Baby Wars. Whatever.

We decided to declare victory due to forfeit, pack our butt paste and go. But before we departed, we did manage to snap this publicity photo for the next Big Event - G-Rain's on the left and Mighty Mak's on the right.

Personally, I think it's pretty obvious where you oughta place your money, but hey. I'm not laying odds.


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I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >