Welcome to the Apocalypse


WELCOME to the APOCALYPSE! Tam and Shan are breeding!
That was the opening line on the baby shower invitation. So I guess I should have expected what was coming.

The only two activities outside of eating (street-style Mexican tacos) and drinking (good beer and sangria) involved gambling and paint. (Finally, a baby shower I could relate to!)

The Girls also put together a questionnaire about the baby, to be answered anonymously. This was basically an open invitation to give The Varmint and me shit. That was fine by us, naturally, but it was sometimes scary how well our friends answered. Some samples:


BabyShowerGroup.jpgWho will be up more in the middle of the night?

"Shannon, cuz he'll still be up playing video games. Tam's worthless after 9pm."

"Tam, because nothing wakes Shannon."

"Shannon because he's so damn sensitive!"

And about 400 more votes for Tam that none felt compelled to justify: I declare sexism.


BabyShowerDeb.jpgWhat will be the baby's first word?



"Ice cream."

"Stop it, Daddy."



What will be the baby trait family and friends fear most?

"Weird Tam + Weird Shannon = Ultra-Weird Baby"

"The baby making monkey sounds in the morning."

"Her wit."

"The fact she's always late. LAG!"


What type of baby food will The Varmint find irresistible?BabyShowerGang.jpg

"Breast milk." (The Varmint still thinks it's funny to chase me around the house with a coffee mug, despite the fact the joke needs to be mothballed at this point.)

"Anything gooey."


"Dry cereal." (This is true. A throwback to bachelorhood, The Varmint goes through about a box and a half of cereal per week.)


What will be the most unexpected thing the baby brings to their lives?

"A pail full of shit."

"The Disney Channel and a minivan."

"Tolerance for obnoxious kids."

BabyShowerTshirts.jpg"New and unusual fluids."


There were more, but the best part was probably the drawings on the back of the papers of our kid at various stages in life.

Another good creative effort was the onesie decorating station which produced all kinds of crazy baby outfits, from the classic "<--- I'm With Stupid" to a very Clairemont front-back combo shirt. Niiiiice.

Anyway, judging from the empty kegs and sangria pitchers and the fact that people were groaning from multi-taco, creampuff and cheesecake intake, I think the party was a hit.

I know I was happy - my cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing the whole day. (See pic, right.) Also, I didn't hear a single guy whining about having to go to a baby shower, and thanks to the Baby Playstation Area sponsored by Pat the Baby Whisperer, both kids and parents seemed pretty happy with the event. The kids got to play; the parents got a break.BabyShowerJen.jpg


Muchos kudos to fantastic hosts Deb (pictured third from the top, above, backlit and beeeeeautiful) and Jen (pictured left), and to the familial support crew of Momma J (who stuck it out despite a sudden anxiety-triggered flight response), Pat, Greg, Dusty, Donna, Juice and T - and of course, the ever-reliable Mary and Dave.

We love you guys.


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I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >