Bruce, Bruce, Bruce-Bruce-Bruce

I just read some surprisingly bad news on the BBC website this morning: No, it's nothing about the Middle East, Israeli bombs or Bush stepping smack in the middle of yet another squishy, foul-smelling foreign policy scandal. N

ope, this is the kind of news you don't expect: Bruce Willis, ladies and gentlemen, has signed on to make Die Hard 4.

Some people may be thrilled about this, but all I can think is: Where is the guy's agent? Like women over 40 wearing micro-minis, someone should probably tell him that going there is a bad idea: The Die Hard franchise jumped the shark sometime around 1990.

Well, if no one else will say it, I will: Bruce, baby... please. For the love of god, good poon, or whatever it is that floats your boat, this Die Hard 4 thing? Leave it alone.

Haven't we been abused enough with past beauties like The Kid? Granted, you did a good job with Unbreakable and Sin City, inspired choices really, but Die Hard 4? Die Hard 4?!?

If you were looking to announce the official downturn of your career, you couldn't have done a better job. (Well, parading down Sunset while riding in a convertible and holding a sign that says BRUCE WILLIS: AVAILABLE FOR VOICEOVERS might be more effective... but not by much.) I sincerely hope you enjoy one last swirl before taking the plunge with this thing. Yippee ki yay, indeed.

Sadly I, for one (and I suspect millions like me) will be saving my 10 bucks come box office time. Sorry, Brucey. And happy landings.


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I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >