Mom's Bun Fetish Exposed!

Now here's a woman who knows how to spend a dollar. . .

Mom gave us our terrific baby gift - a very hip kitchen table from IKEA that we'll be using as a dresser and changing table for the kid's room. (See pic, below.)

I just couldn't bring myself to spend a ton on traditional baby furniture when you know you're going to dump it in a couple of years. Annually, I make a vow never to buy IKEA furniture again. But like their damned cinnamon buns, it's hard to resist.

They've got it down, don't they? Sure, you know everyone else will own the same piece of cheap, poorly-made furniture you're interested in, but hey - it looks good and for once you can afford it. Plus, they show it so well, putting it all together like some wicked interior design Garanimals. You fool yourself into thinking you might actually be able to pull it off in your house, too.

The proof that IKEA is truly evil lies beyond the furniture VarmintIKEA.jpgshowroom, in the downstairs exit area. Behold, the cinnamon buns. Inevitably they are being baked while you're in the store, and the amount of willpower required to resist their sugary spicy deliciousness is second only to the amount of energy you'll need to expend to get the damned furniture boxes in the car.

So, see? It's all planned out.

You buy the cinnamon bun to use as fuel to heft your cheap-ass particle board furniture into your car. It also explains why you can't manaVarmintIKEAChowdown.jpgge to put the damn thing together - despite the fact that there are no words to read on the assembly directions. By the time you've loaded the car and made it home, your blood sugar's crashed so hard you can barely open the boxes.

This time around, however, we vowed it would be different. We got smart. Ate before we left. Approached IKEA like a well-rehearsed SWAT commando team. We had a plan of attack, skipped the showroom, bought a decent piece of better-built furniture (thanks mom!). . .

We almost made it out of the front door before tragedy struck...




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I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >