Our Kitchen's Mini Makeover

In what amounts to a wild orgy of spending since Sir Squeakalot became co-chairman of finance back in May of 2004, we made two updates to our kitchen: We bought a new range and a new microwave. 

I didn't give Captain Pinchapenny much choice in the matter. It was time for our lovely, long-time range from 1980-something to go. Almond-colored, it featured analog dials, a flip-clock that hummed and clicked each time the numbers flipped, and a timer buzzer that would start at a low hum and work its way up to full-blown school bell. (I actually sort of liked those parts.)

Really, it was the attached microwave that made me clench. First thing you'd notice was that the microwave handle had broken off. This meant you had to use your fingertips to grab the remaining plastic shard-nubbin to forcefully clamp and lock the thing shut, praying more of it wouldn't break off at each tug, slicing open your delicate pink ningies and squirting blood all over the kitchen.

Not that it would really matter: You might survive bleeding to death, but the cancer would get you in the end. I'm sure the flappy cockeyed plastic innards with exposed screws did wonders to shield us from the Reagan-era microwaves. You could operate the thing with the door open and get a lovely tan without ever stepping a single foot out-of-doors.

I'm not really complaining, mind you. The stove was an excellent servant these last 25 years. But, despite what Mr. Grumblemiser says, I remain convinced that a new stove set-up was a necessity.NewStove.jpg

And ah, a glorious stove it is. A warming drawer! An extra burner! Easy cleaning! I even heard Two-penny Tightpants unwittingly release an audible gasp of appreciation once he saw the final deal, shiny and installed. (See for yourself!) 

"Well," he harrumphed, playing with the knobs on the new convection microwave, "I guess we will use it every day..."

Yes, Sultan of Skinflintery, Titan of Tight, Wizard of Walletwatching, King of Clamfistus, Duke of the Dollar, we will.


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I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >