Meet The Momster

Meet Jan, better known as Mom. Mom, like most moms, totally rocks. She's one of the most complex, deeply complicated and genuinely sweet people I've ever met. (But don't tell her I said that. She's trying to maintain a certain image - her buddies in The Hell's Angels might give her a hard time.)

I've been thinking lately that one of the best things about growing up is getting to know your parents for who they really are. Not as parents, but in a friendlier, "Hey, whatcha doing tonight? Wanna catch a movie?" kind of way that would have made your toes shrivel up and drop off if uttered back in your teens.

This implies all the stuff that goes with knowing someone well - the warts and the halos, the necessity of space one minute and feverishly phoning them the next. My mom's especially interesting because you never know who you'll be spending time with: The Kansas Farmgirl whose dinner recipes inevitably begin with "Snap the neck of ...". The Opera Diva whose frosty glare could hunch the spine of the haughtiest society hag. The Surgical Nurse whose pragmatic problem- solving skills put her in demand amongst capable women half her age. More likely you'll meet a combination of personalities - she likes to keep you on your toes.

Mom's got a lot going on behind her mildly misanthropic front; the patient and steadfast will be deeply rewarded by a fiercely loyal friend, a person whose best qualities are of the rarefied sort. Here is the key to knowing The Momster: Watch what she does. Pay no attention to what she says. Her kind, in the finest Yoda tradition, is about action: "There is no try. There is only do."

And she does more than almost anyone I know. I totally scored in the Mom Department. But for the record, Mom... I will be using the word Fuck in my blog. And maybe even Shit. And if I'm really in a mood, I might even throw out the occasional Cocksucker. But let it be said - hear ye! hear ye! - for all the world to read: My pottymouth should have absolutely no bearing on anyone's perception of the stellar upbringing I was priveleged to receive from my wonderful mom.

She done trained me right, she did: I'm just a bad seed.


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I am a writer and lazy artist who loves travel, architecture and design. Right now, I'm into photography. My fabulous husband (a.k.a. The Varmint) and I are also the principals of a San Diego-based creative agency - and new parents to the divine Baby Mak. Read More >